When Life Isn’t What You Planned

Life has a way of surprising you, with changes you hadn’t expected seeming to come out of nowhere. Examples include a relationship that ends abruptly, falling in love or making a new friend unexpectedly, a business partnership that suddenly turns sour, a health crisis, personal financial reversals, the loss of a job, and a business offer from a schoolmate you haven’t seen in years. If you haven’t experienced at least one of these scenarios in the past year, it’s likely you know someone else who has.

Each of these situations, even the new romance, could potentially lead to stress and overwhelm. Successful relationships, including budding love affairs, require skilled communications and a balanced flow of energy that honors each person. Time spent in building and maintaining the relationship must come from the reservoir of available time each one has. If one or both people are overextended with work or other responsibilities, it can feel like there’s not enough special “alone time.” Likewise, even those who’ve learned to travel a middle path will be challenged when the relationship triggers their unresolved life issues. This could include concerns a person hasn’t thought about since their last significant relationship, or even “new” issues related to very old childhood wounds. The three things couples typically quarrel about are universal: money and value, intimacy and sex, and work or time allocation. Even people very much in love can suddenly fight over money when there’s a clash in their inherited belief systems. As an example, one person could hold a generational pattern in their DNA that says “it’s best to avoid talking about money.” It’s like a taboo subject, unsafe to discuss even with loved ones. The other person may have inherited a belief system that says “you must share everything.” Such beliefs reside in the subconscious, hidden from view. Unless both people examine and clear them from the DNA, the viewpoints will silently influence responses to life situations. One possible response is the tendency to be secretive about finances. The couple may have begun building trust and sharing in other areas, but when the topic of money arises, there is distancing. Bridges have been replaced by walls.

Consider the scenario of receiving a business offer from a schoolmate you hadn’t seen in years. You’re middle aged now, and perhaps your career or finances are causing you stress. You may be at a crossroads, wondering if you want to continue with the same job or the same kind of work. Your income may be average for people doing your kind of work, but you may still be having difficulties making ends meet. When you get the call from the old friend, a part of you realizes that spirit is showing you an open window, giving you options you might not have considered before. Your logical mind, however, reminds you of a business deal 20 years earlier that resulted in failure and financial ruin. Even though you don’t yet know the specifics of what your schoolmate wants to propose, you’re doubtful that anything good can come of it. You’ve allowed your past, and your response to it, to color how you see the new opportunity. You decide to pass on the business deal, now feeling even more anxious about finances and your career path.

These are just two examples of situations where unexpected changes are accompanied by conflicts and feelings of negativity. The very thing that you may welcome, such as a new romance or a business offer, can be the catalyst that brings your hidden unresolved issues to light.

What can you do when you discover that life isn’t what you planned?

First, remember that there are no accidents. If someone has come into your life to offer you a new opportunity, invite your intuitively guided reason to show you what good this may serve. Set your intent to see beyond the obvious, and to understand the higher purposes of each thing that happens. An old friend calling with a business offer, for example, could be about much more than business. Perhaps spirit nudged your classmate to think of you in the business deal because there are other reasons to be closer friends in the present. You may have grown apart when you moved away long ago. Today, though, this old friend might have recently become interested in something that is your main passion outside of work. You’ve been saying to yourself recently that you’d like more friends that share your interests. You might find that reconnecting with the old friend leads you to meet even more people, too. One of these people might be in a line of work you hadn’t considered, and it could be just perfect for your next steps. From the Divine’s perspective, each person you interact with and each experience you have can be utilized for your learning and enlightenment process

Second, when life serves up something with no apparent redeeming value, inquire within to discover how to view it positively. Perhaps you get a traffic ticket for an illegal turn on a street you travel every week. You’ve been turning left there for years, ignoring the sign that says “right only.” After all, many other drivers do the same thing and you’ve never seen police giving a ticket. To turn right means having to go around the block. After paying the ticket, the next week you’re on the same street, considering whether to make the illegal turn again. You decide to play it safe this time and you turn right. You head for your friends’ house for a special 4th of July holiday meal. Later that night at home, you turn on the TV to see the local news. Your stomach tightens when you see the scene of a traffic fatality at the very place where you had often made illegal turns. Someone with a carload of people had made the same illegal turn and was hit by a speeding car. Now you realize that your traffic ticket was spirit’s way of protecting you, giving you incentive to drive more safely.

Third, when a relationship suddenly turns sour, catch your breath for a moment and take a step back. Go into the silence of your own heart and ask for intuitive guidance and an appropriate response. Even if a person is demanding that you respond on the spot, you have the right to first consider your reply. You will want to involve spirit in the process, inviting wisdom that comes from a bigger picture than you’re able to grasp with your human mind. Remember that any of the fear-based responses, such as defensiveness or manipulation, will simply escalate the conflict. Sometimes saying or doing nothing in the moment, and allowing time for reflection, is the optimal course of action. If you choose to be mute, however, be aware that even being silent and doing nothing is a choice. Genuine power involves being conscious of your choices, making each choice fearlessly and with skillful means.

Fourth, to stabilize when you feel angry and out-of-balance, consider helping someone else. Think about what others need, and see what you can do to appropriately respond to the need. When you get outside of yourself and your problems, putting others first, your anger can soften and transform into compassion.

Fifth, when you are feeling hopeless about a loss or a life condition you seem unable to change, go gently with yourself and others around you. Refuse to allow the feelings of despair to color what you say and do. The downward spiral of hopelessness can be “catching.” The more you tell yourself how bad things are, the worse they will be. The negative thoughts actually fuel more negative feelings and then you begin thinking of other things to complain about. Also, when you complain to your friends and loved ones about how miserable you feel, the energy you are broadcasting is low in vibration. To feel better, change your vibration. How? Know that you may not have control over something happening in your life, but you can learn to tame your mind. You also can learn to become conscious of your emotions. The one thing you can change is how you respond to life’s ups and downs.

Sixth, when you feel unable to cope with life, and none of the solutions you typically reach for seem to help, remember the impermanence of all things. Every situation you experience, every person you know, and every cell of your body is in a state of constant change. Things only appear to remain the same. The people you love and hate eventually will pass away. Even your most distressing dilemmas will change into something else. Likewise, your good situations won’t last. Therefore, get into the habit of contemplating impermanence. Be grateful for each moment and breath that you have. Set your intention to use those moments to expand your awareness. Decide that each instant will bring you closer to realizing your own Divinity.

As you continue the journey of rediscovering your Divine nature, we surround you with our love and blessings.

We are The Council of 12.

Copyright 2006 by Selacia * All Rights Reserved